#OurChoice

When I started writing this, I thought its going to be a travelogue but soon I felt and realized that what I was writing and wanting to write was about ‘more than a trip’, it was a journey which made me realise certain nuances and realities of life…..

Sometimes you are caught off guard and shown the mirror at places other than the dressing room ;)

#OurChoice

You hit your twenties, it is somewhere during ‘that’ phase of your life where you completed a degree and joined your first job. Few years pass by and slowly it starts happening…..

 Zillions of people (termed as society) appear at your doorstep and in your drawing rooms disturbing your well trained parents with the ideas of ‘marriage’. Yes I am talking about a phenomenon that the youth of my country and probably couple of other countries too face—when choosing a future path for yourself is not your business but becomes everyone else’s business and then there is the social media and part of your lovely friend circle which emulates this philosophy (I am talking about the Facebook wedding engagement declarations and albums, when you feel the entire world is getting hitched)

So recently I undertook a journey, it was more like a pilgrimage to Glasgow. We were all set to attend my sister’s convocation for her degree- FRCS. Very briefly speaking it is a hard earned, reputed degree in the world of Doctors :-) The news of this degree gave immense joy to my parents in October 2014 and ever since that time, this journey was on the cards!

Well this is not a travelogue so do not expect details of what I saw and did… What I am immensely proud of and what I wanted to share is this: The fact that my parents and sister chose higher education over marriage at a time and in an environment where it was not what was expected (owing to the majority who took the opposite steps). My sister is 30 and she got an FRCS before a mangalsutra! That’s cool in my philosophy and I feel super proud.

This post is about ‘raising children particularly girls to be independent’

Let me make it clear, 'Independent' does not mean being against early marriage or timely marriage as some may call it. It means encouraging our women to contribute more to the society.

I highly recommend everyone to read ‘Lean In’ by Sherryl Sandberg. It says ”A truly equal world would be one where women ran half our countries and companies and men ran half our homes.”

What she is saying is that: So many women have not even started realising their value and share in this world! Once they also start contributing, imagine how prosperous we will be! Sadly the professional drop out rate is very high in our country. Some don't last beyond their bachelors’, couple of them who go on to pursue masters’, work for sometime & then leave everything for domestic bliss! We must encourage more and more women for a) higher studies and b) to work !!

Don’t give away to laziness, have dreams and let domestic life be part of it but not the entire dream.

As I made this journey to my sisters convocation I felt enlightened, aware, I felt the true meaning of this term-liberation

The joy of freedom, individuality, perspective and independence.

It feels amazing to be a woman, let’s celebrate it, let’s know our worth and demand it in society; and we will receive respect, when we first give ourselves the same!

I know we still have to fight a lot of social evils, but this is a weapon, YES education is one such weapon to fight against and ultimately defeat these demons.

Let’s embrace, imbibe and internalize it in our societies

My ladies (who stand at similar crossroads), I ask you- Are you taking the next step/decision in your life (be it in whatever sphere) because you want to? Or because someone is telling you to? Remember age is just a number, do not categorise decisions or phases in your life based on these numbers!!

Let’s take that step towards a career or education goal, let's not worry about what your boyfriend says or society says or what ‘they’ would think! (Still perplexed with who exactly ‘they’ are)

Let’s do this for ourselves and of course like I said before, this does not mean that we forget to find a soulmate for ourselves. All I am saying is that this time let’s not ‘settle down’ but set out together by making our partners equal partners and fulfill each other’s dreams ….

Ms Naina Lal Kidwai,  HSBC exec and Harvard Business School's first Indian female grad once said "Behind every successful woman is a very supportive husband". My dream for the future India is in line with this, raising our girls to be independent and raising our boys to be sound, considerate, sensitive, understanding and supportive husbands :)

P.S. Some relative commented at my dad’s demise in January that “Oh he could not see his daughter’s marriage” I could only reply back with a memory, I told her how I remember the joy, excitement, proud glint in my father's eyes when he got to know about the results and let me tell you it was way more than the one I observed when my sister’s marriage got fixed. So I told that relative “not to worry, he is fine, he went happy and proud”.

NEXT POST: Inheritance of Loss.....